I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
50% drunk capacity currently
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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