I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
