god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
