I'm eating all of the evidence.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
