is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
