Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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