he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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