a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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