So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's shark week go big or go home
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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