If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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