New low: just hacked my moms facebook
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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