I think my fart just growled at me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
