My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
