If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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