Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
