Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
