We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize