I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize