Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Say something about gay babies.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
