I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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