So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
