How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
