I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
