Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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