Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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