That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
