1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
