Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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