I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
