We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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