dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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