ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
