Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
