3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This baby is an asshole
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
