im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
