Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
