Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize