With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
