I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
