Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
