Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
