yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
