the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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