ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
