it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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