I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
