Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This house was built for laser tag.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
