Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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