he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize