She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
