I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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