even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
