I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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