I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
