Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize