cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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