So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize