He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
