I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
