so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
