is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize