I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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