Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
