my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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