Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
