May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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