Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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