Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Send help, water and tortillas.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
