To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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