ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
