Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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