I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
