i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
