I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
