Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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