I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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