tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
