dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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