I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They took my balls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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